The Language of Love: How Do You Say, “I Love You”?
Today is Valentine’s Day and for all who celebrate it is a day to say those three magic words which everyone of all ages loves to hear: “I love you!”
This one phrase is considered the best message to give and receive to anyone who truly loves another person unselfishly, unconditionally, and irrevocably. A child says it to a parent, and a parent says it to a child. A teenager in the budding phases of young love says it, often for the first time, with a new intonation to someone to whom they wish to give their hearts.
For as many times as we love to hear this phrase, each of us has our own special way of not only ‘saying’ our love to another person, but showing it as well. Many women find it easy to express their emotions in their various life stages. But for many men, it all depends on what they grew up hearing. If you hear it often, chances are good, you learn to say it frequently.
What did your grandfather say to your grandmother? Did you hear the words “My beloved,” or “My sweetheart,” or “My bride” even after your grandparents had been married over 50 years? Many couples who share a lifetime of love indeed address each other that way. Others have special names for each other that “mean” love rather than specifically reflect it. Still others can say “I love you” with just the change in their voices when they call out the names of the other one. You’d know it when you hear it.
Other men, though, have a unique way of saying it that does not involve those three words. I remember from reruns that TV’s Archie Bunker was legendary for never saying it back to Edith, whenever she said “Oh, I love you, Archie!” He’d say “Yeah,” and hug her back. One day when his son in law, Mike, complained, “Archie, you never tell Ma you love her!” He replied, “I said it to her once, Meathead, and that was the day we got married, and I meant it.” Eventually, Archie found his way to saying it (again) to Edith that day, and of course, that meant the world to her. In fact, the less we hear it, the more it seems we want to hear it.
Couples who have been together a long time can share their love and affection without words. The other evening there was a rerun of the Jeff Bridges and Barbra Streisand movie, “The Mirror Has Two Faces,” and Barbra Streisand realizes that Jeff is in love with her when he asks the waiter to bring her an extra salad dressing and to please keep both of them on the side. It’s the little things that people in love know and appreciate about their partners that prove their genuine affection without having to say “those other words.”
When we are children, we are more than happy to proclaim our love for people, for our favorite foods, our favorite TV shows, anything that bring us special peace and happiness in our lives. We use the word “love” to show our special attachment to something. For everything else, we have “like” or “don’t care” or in extreme cases, “don’t like” or “can’t stand.” That’s a general rating scale we begin with. To go to greater depth than those basic levels requires age and more experience.
The longer we live, the more we come to cherish the full nature of the people we love in our lives. We seek out people who are kind, fun, intelligent, happy, good listeners, faithful friends, hard workers, people who set high goals, people who are happy to belong to families and play an important role in that family.
In life, it is frequently said that “Opposites attract,” and to a certain extent, that’s true. People who are strong in one area tend to find confidence in people who are strong in another, and those who may be weaker in one thing can take confidence in another person who is strong in that area. Together they are an unbeatable pair.
I remember from science, “like attracts like.” That phrase usually applies in solution chemistry where similar components can dissolve in others that are alike enough to them to dissolve in. That’s where the phrase “likes dissolve likes” comes from, and if they are not soluble, then you see one separate phase of a liquid sitting on top of a phase of another liquid because they don’t dissolve into the other because they are not alike (nonpolar) (oil and water). So, it is in romance. On one hand you might a man who loves to talk is attracted to a quiet woman, or vice versa. In business, one person can be the one who deals with people and the other deals with numbers. Together you’re unbeatable!
Over years, romance strengthens and the words “I love you” are implied no matter how many times they are said out loud. Still, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to remember how nice it is to hear and how important to say them to all those whom we love.
You can say it with candy, with hearts, with flowers, and with great greeting cards. You can phone, Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime to get your message transmitted. Be sure that you say it often, whether or not it is Valentine’s Day, but this annual event is certainly a great reminder of a wonderful tradition.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you from our family to you!
Cody D. Jones ‘02
Owner & Community Member
